Friday, August 29, 2008

My First 30 Days

My journey in weight loss started one month ago. Here is a summary of the changes that have happened so far:
* My crazy cravings for sugar are GONE
* I have not eaten any refined sugar in 30 days and don't really think about it
* I seem to be in a better, more hopeful mood
* I have lost approximately 20 lbs (depending on the mood of my crazy scale)
* Overall, I am making much better food choices by eating almost all organic, non processed food. I have an occasional fast food salad (sans sugary dressing of course!)
* I am dressing better, and taking better care of myself
* I am so much more confident about actually doing this

My goals for the next 30 days are:
* I will lose 8 lbs
* I will go to bed no later than 11:15
* I will monitor my fruit intake so I do not start to crave fruit.
* I will get on the elliptical at least once a week. (I know that seems ridiculously easy, but I want to meet these goals and build on them.)

There you have it! Thanks for checking in on me and also for your great comments. You have helped more than you know on this adventure!


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Mini Miracle

I am back from my staff retreat and had no desire to eat the:
chocolate cake, boatloads of candy, cinnamon rolls, cobbler, apple pie and sooo much more. I just didn't even want it. THAT is a miracle! I did not pine away for it either. Last year, I would have eaten everything and gone back for more when no one was looking. I would have thought about when I could get my next hit of sugar. This time, I was making sure I did not eat hidden sugars in the meals. The best miracle was (TMI alert) that after two years of not having a period, I had one, after one month of being off sugar. I have PCOS and it shreds my reproductive health. The only way to manage it, is to be off sugar. Having my period is one step closer to homeostasis. I am feeling confident that I can do this. By the way, my little sugar free muffins were a huge help! I brought enough of my own food that I did not feel deprived at all. My next step is to sleep. I am getting about 5 hours of sleep and that just does not cut it. This night person needs an intervention!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Planning Ahead

I am getting ready to go to my staff retreat tomorrow and I am really planning ahead so that I have options for sugar free food. It is a camp like atmosphere with food made from scratch. It is delicious, but dangerous for my new sugar free way to be. Tomorrow morning, I am going to make an oat bran muffin recipe that is only sweetened with a banana. I can tolerate fruit because it does not seem to spike my blood sugar and make me go crazy for sugar. I will enjoy some tea and a muffin, as opposed to a huge stack of homemade buttermilk pancakes. Their cinnamon rolls are another story!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm. I need to get a good replacement for that, stat!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Hate My New Scale!

I don't hate it for the high weight reading. I hate it because I get several different numbers if I step on it multiple times. Yikes! I think I have lost over 12 lbs, but I am not confident of that accuracy. Help! Do you love your scale? What are the best scales?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Shift My Focus

Daily, I walk past my "home gym" room that usually doubles as a storage area for laundry (see the ab cruncher). Most of the time, I shut the door because I don't want to feel guilty about my cool, new elliptical that I have used maybe 6 times. I even have an excellent ipod stereo. Have I used it? NO! I knew I needed to get a grip, so I emailed Lynn Bering (one of my personal heroes). I asked her about the idea of waiting to exercise until I reach a plateau to I could rev up my metabolism. She had a very wise response. Lynn does not equate exercise with weight loss. She sees it as two separate issues. Lynn looks at exercise as a major component to health. That makes so much sense! I want to be a fit, healthy person. I eat mainly organic, non processed, sugar free food. If I can do that, I can take the next step and get on these dusty machines!
The other concept that I read this week was from Mr. Low Body Fat's Blog about "Are You An Exerciser Or An Athlete" by Charles Stayley. I don't know if it is the Olympics that are getting to me, but I would rather train, than exercise. I have set the goal that I will take tennis when I get under 200. Now, I am going to train for that day. My goal this week is to train three days. I will keep you posted on my progress. Thanks for checking in on my blog! I love your comments.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Kissing Up

We all know that in Junior High School, girls usually go through a friendship betrayal that is so hurtful that you can still feel it today. Sugar is that junior high school friend. This so called friend, did the equivalent of stealing my boyfriend! Sugar stole my baby (to be). Sugar destroyed my reproductive health. I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and never was able to get pregnant. Had I gotten off of sugar and had I lost the 171lbs, I would have had a much better shot at having a baby. Sugar took my calm, confidence and self respect. Yet, I kept the friendship going because it filled a need. Well, yesterday, my former friend was trying to kiss up.

Sugar wanted to reach out. I starting to bargain. I began to think we might be friends, just a little. Maybe, I can have a little honey. Maybe, I will have a mocha (sugar free). Maybe,I will have a sugar free cookie. One of my goals in this entire journey was to eat whole, unprocessed foods. I don't want any sugar alcohol in my body. I had overcome that need to replace my favorites with sugar free impostors. Yesterday, I was about ready to spend a fortune of chemicals to get that much closer to my bud, sugar. Eventually, I would want to slip in a bit of sugar, 'cause I can handle it. Ah, no, I can't handle sugar just like an alcoholic can't handle a drink.

You know, I am older and wiser now. The relational aggression just does not fly with me anymore and that includes my old friend, sugar. What I know for sure, is that I am a very loyal friend. This time, I will be loyal to myself. I will go back to my feeling of being unstoppable and kick sugar to the curb.

Friday, August 15, 2008


I am glued to the Olympics and am fanatical about gymnastics. I watch the gymnasts and you can just see their focus or lack there of, the moment they begin their routine. Over the last three weeks, I have had Olympian focus. Not a granule of sugar has passes over my lips, yet today, I had the equivalent of a shaky balance beam routine. I was not really planned, I did not eat enough early on and I was starting to bargain. I thought, "maybe I will have a sugar free decaf mocha." Well, number one, I am off of mochas, sugar free or not. I would have screwed up my streak. Number two, I don't want to eat alternative sugars because they are just not healthy. I spent about two hours being flustered and trying not to get down because I can't eat like everyone else. Well, I guess I can eat like everyone else. I just abuse sugar and weigh 299. It is interesting that today I was faltering because yesterday, I was starting to dream about my future because I was feeling so confident that I could actually do this. Well, I did not blow it, did not get the mocha and I am going to "stick this landing."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


So I was in Target yesterday and a little boy told his mom, "that lady is pregnant." Now let me tell you, if I had heard that a few years ago, when I could not get pregnant and was overweight, I would have been devastated. If I had heard that a month ago, I would have been depressed. This time, I just walked it off. I know that I have momentum, and I will take care of business with my weight.

My first big test of my focus was last night. I hosted a baby shower complete with my favorite foods. We had mini cupcakes, pulled pork sandwiches, meatballs, caramel dip (I made that one)with apples, fruit salad and much more. I had a ball at the party and at no sugar. I did not even miss it because the fruit is now sweet enough for me. I planned ahead to be fullish before the party started. Before, I would have had a pulled pork sandwich, a ton of caramel dip, a ton of the cupcakes. Because they are small, I would have justified that four, equalled one regular cupcake. I probably would have eaten eight and snagged a few when people were not looking. My focus would have been on the food, in almost a panic, about not getting enough of my favorites. I would have saved the left over caramel dip and eaten it while spralled on the couch, watching late night stupid T.V.

Because I am getting the sugar out of my system, it was not difficult to choose some fruit, and a few corn chips. I was okay. I did not die because I "missed out." I was much more present and really enjoyed my friends. I am almost at the 10lb weight loss. My clothes are starting to fit better and now I am going to start saying goodbye to scale benchmarks. I have momentum because I believe in myself. Before, I never would have believed that I would but the bowl and beater in the sink so fast if made my head spin! I put dish soap all over the caramelly delight. It was gone so fast that I had no time to think about eating it. All of these little choices come together to give me a cushion of calm, unlike the "calm" I thought sugar provided. What strenghthens your momentum?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Goin' With the Flow!

I mentioned that I put on the dreaded swim suit and braved the water park with my daughter. Here is our favorite area, "the river." I have done an inner tube river before at Disney, but this one was different because you are propelled without a floaty. It is just you and some powerful water jets. The turns are really fun because it whirls you around really fast and you feel a bit out of control. You just have to let go and enjoy the flow. The water is only waist deep and you can walk the river, if you don't want to go let go.
Right now, as I start my third week living sugar free, I feel like I am on one of the turns on the river. It is actually fun because I am just going with the acceptance that this is what has to happen. I don't miss chocolate right now, which is a huge miracle. Before, I would be a crazy person if I did not have several chocolate options available to me if I was stressed, sad, happy or just fine. To navigate the "rapids," (sorry, I could not resist)I have to have a few things in place:
* I have to have a meal plan together
* Make sure I have lots of healthy food choices available in my kitchen
* I cannot over do agave nectar or it will turn into another sugar addiction
* I have to eat foods that do not feel like deprivation
* Make sure I don't wig out if the scale is up a bit after the big loss.
* Embrace the journey because there will be ups and downs.
* Don't fail to plan so you don't plan to fail.
For the first time in YEARS, I am excited about the fact that I can actually do this. I have hope. Before, I never quite believed myself because I tried so many times. I know that I built my confidence with small victories like giving up mochas and diet coke. Right now, I am going to let go and be in the moment.
* It is not about perfection.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Day 18 of Being Sugar Free

Whhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooo HOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo! I am feeling great! I actually had to look at my calendar to see how long it has been. I am quite proud of myself, but best of all, I am starting to feel more confident and hopeful. I feel better in my own body. Oh, and did I mention that I have lost 9 lbs? The first few days were really difficult. I have gone though a series of emotions ranging from anxious to relief. Now, I am in a smooth pattern and that is do to the fact that I have organized my kitchen to support what I am trying to do. Before, everything was so crammed in my fridge (some scary, furry food was stuck in the back) and cabinets, that it was a huge hassle to get to what I needed. I did a big toss and only have food that will support my life goal. I dumped out items like corn syrup that I used to make homemade marshmallows last Christmas. I recycled an entire blue container with packaging that came from sugar foods that were still in my house. Even if the sugar was in the counter, I would still be okay because, the cravings are gone! THAT IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A few weeks back, I was like a caged animal if I did not have some form of chocolate in my house. Now I basically eat whatever I want except that it can't have sugar. No points needed at this point. I am sure that down the road, I will have to cut back and structure what I am eating. I have been eating "real foods" that are mainly organic. My next challenge is to make more of my favorite foods in a sugar free way.
I am feeling so good that got into my swim suit (not a pretty site at all at the moment) and went to a swim park with my daughter! That, my friends, is progress.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Good Grief!?!

I am on day 5 of my sugarless lifestyle. Day two was the easiest so far. My day one headache was not too bad the second day. Day three felt like I was on a train to crazy town, craving sugar like a maniac. Day four and five have brought up some emotions that are associated with the Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief. Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (career, freedom, money). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also stated that these steps do not necessarily come in the order, or are all steps experienced by all individuals, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. The stages are:
Denial-I can really handle my sugar. If I just got back on my program, I can totally control this.
Anger- Why do I have to give up sugar! It is unfair! Why can't I eat like everyone else?
Bargaining-Okay, I guess I have to give up sugar, but I will eat sugar free items that I know are terrible and not good for me. I just will eat sugar free candy and cakes.
(This is where I am right now. I went to a low carb store and bought expensive sugar free items that taste horrible and are no better for me than sugar. They will have the same effect. I already tossed out two items that I hated.) Here is a hilarious take on the bargaining stage. This is a fantastic site for support for a sugar free life.
I thought that the sugar-free cocoa sandies and the sugar-free chocolate caramels were the answer. I tried them both today and felt like I had a grenade in my belly! The taste was so, so but the "maltitol" is a horrible sugar alcohol that is not much lower in the glycemic index. Just another step in this stage. I just can't eat this stuff! These two items are also bound for the trash. I don't feel well after eating the at all, but I just had to try!
Depression-I realize that the bargaining only prolongs the inevitable. I am a person that cannot tolerate sugar and be a healthy, vital individual living my best life. I grieve the loss of sugar here. No Halloween candy, no Christmas treats, no chocolate chip cookies out of the oven , no dough! NO DOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is what I call depression!
Acceptance-After feeling not facing the truth, being mad about the situation, trying to work around it and being seriously depressed, I realize this is what has to happen. I can now really embrace what no sugar means in my life and look at the positive side.

I don't know how long I will be in the bargaining stage. This is no fun, but I can feel my cravings becoming less severe. I know I can do this! Thanks for checking in!!!