Invisible Boundaries

Today, I started back with my points and I did really well. I realized that I usually start on Tuesday, and the WW calendar is messed up. My official start back date is tomorrow, July 1st. So, I blew off my points in the evening and over ate. I had a headache and tried to numb the pain with sugar (usually works). Tomorrow, I am on it. My invisible boundary is so ridiculous. I suppose that if I was really ready and on my game, I would not need to play those games. Yikes!

One Step Back

I started off well this morning. I made sure I had breakfast. I probably had too much and started to stress about the lack of points. I did not feel well the whole day. I was having anxiety about my weight and getting some tragic disease because of all of the sugar I was eating. Why that does not prevent me from eating sugar, I don't know! I had a healthy dinner but capped it off with chocolate chip cookie dough (a ton) as well as three cookies. The good news is that I recorded all of it and plan to not throw in the towel for the rest of the week, which is good for my all or nothing attitude. Part of the problem was that my fridge was not organize and I did not really see what I had to eat and it was not pleasant to gather good food. I cleaned out the fridge and am ready for a better day tomorrow. The blogs that I am reading are so helpful because I am learning that everyone has set backs, but you have to start again right away. Here I go!

One small step...

Today is the first real day back on program. I skipped breakfast (like usual) and went to Carl's Jr for lunch. As I pulled up to the drive through, thoughts in my mind were all about blowing off today and starting again tomorrow. I was thinking about some poor food choices that were tasty. I asked myself, "just for fun, what would be the best choice here?" I went with a chicken salad, non sweetened ice tea and a cookie. Usually, I would go for three cookies, get a chicken sandwich with bacon and cheese, and a squirt. I made the better choice and felt good. The cookie was CRAZY high in points! It was 8 points! The cookie wasn't even that good! I think I have to coach myself each meal to ask what would the be the better choice. It is almost is like parenting my four year old. "Would you like this choice or that choice? Would you like to keep your promise to yourself or not?" The rest of the day was on program and I do not feel deprived. My game plan for tomorrow is to not skip breakfast and follow the program. One small step for becomming smaller!

Pre Day?

Okay, today started off well! I recorded what I ate, had a good breakfast and lunch and then I let the all or nothing mentality get in the way. I had too many trigger foods and I just let it rip. I am wondering what to do about this sugar addiction. Would it be better to get off sugar before going on WW? I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!! Thoughts?

Monday, June 23, 2008

So far, I have been trying to discover what will actually get me on the final path of sustained weightloss. Tomorrow, it all starts. Why tomorrow? Why not the first of July? That seems like a tidy start? It is kind of like when, in Harry Met Sally he says that when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now. I am ready. I first thought that July would be the start. Waiting felt like the same old procrastination/deprivation cycle. Pushing it back just a little bit, sounded good. I was thinking to myself, well when then? I actually started to get excited. What if I started on Monday? What if I could really do this! Why wait? Take Sunday to make sure I was well stocked with great food that would support this journey. A couple things gave me the confidence to feel like this will work:
* keeping my word to myself about giving up diet coke and mochas-I think that when you gain so much and keep breaking promises to yourself, deep down, you won't believe yourself when you start something new. Giving up mochas for 6 weeks seems like a trivial thing, but it really made me feel like I could give up other things. I could keep my promise. I could actually do this.
* starting to meditate-that will help me quiet my mind and focus. I downloaded some meditation podcasts. I need to quiet my mind and not stress eat.

Some challenges that I need to pick off are:
* trigger foods
* the all or nothing mentality.

I will work on those two for a bit. I will keep you posted!