Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Small Changes

So I started this blog to document what it is like before the motivation to finally lose the weight once and for all. I am interested in what finally does the trick because I have been down this road, one, too many times ever take this journey again. I am at the point that I don't quite believe that I can actually do it. I decided to make some small changes that do not feel like complete deprivation, yet would make a difference. The most important thing for me is, to build trust in myself again to mean what I say regarding my focus on health. In all other areas, I keep my word to myself. This ONE area in my buggaboo!

Small change number one, was to get off all diet drinks containing Aspartame. I have successfully done that and really do not miss it, except for going to the movies. The much more difficult small change was giving up my Starbucks extra caramel, Caramel Macchiato. I have had a headache from caffeine withdrawl for about a week. My headache is better today. It took all of my strength not to just pull over and order my 39 gram, 300 calorie, $3.80 drink! I did the math and I was spending over $100.00 a month on this stuff! That is over 1k a year! That is 2,100 calories a week, 8,400 calories a month. I have really been proud of myself for keeping my word. Knowing that I am accountable for my blog helps too. Besides, with these gas prices, I will need the extra dough to fill up my car.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Letting Myself Go...

How could I have let myself go? I let stress go overboard. I was unsuccessfully trying to become pregnant for over a year with crazy fertility shots. Fertility stress could send anyone over the edge. I had never been so strung out in my life. Being a principal of not one, but two schools also did it. Becoming a mom, finally, with an hour's notice of the arrival of my baby-that can do it. All of these reasons are the catalyst for my spiral into serious obesity. I still do not have an handle on the stress. How will I cope with big stresses better?

One thing that is going well is keeping my word to myself.. I let myself go...without mochas and diet coke. I am thrilled that I can believe myself that I can do these small things. The next one is a reasonable bed time. As you can see it is 2:13 on a school night! Summer will be a killer for that lifestyle change. I can feel myself getting ready to let myself go... to bed early. I will keep ya posted!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Keeping My Word to Myself

I think part of my struggle to make a permanent change in weightloss is that I have tried and failed so many times that I don't quite believe that I can go the distance. One thing I am trying to do is to make small changes and keep my promise. One thing I started with, was giving up Diet Coke because of the toxic aspertame. I have done a really good job with that and have not had a Diet Coke for about three months. For the past few days I have been in Seattle for work where ice cold Diet Coke is everywhere. It would have been very easy to slip up. I have kept my promise to myself. I have a tad more confidence that I can try another thing. I have not had my sugar fest morning caramel mocciatto (sp) for the past few days and I have not really missed it. I spend over $1,3oo.00 on coffee each year. think of that in terms of clothes that I could have had with that money! Isn't that CRAZY! I think I could be fine with tea, like a good green tea. So, that is it-my next promise to myself. No coffee drinks. I will keep ya posted!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

What is it?

What is the thing that finally sets you free from this weight? I am so inspired the blogs and posts from people who have lost the weight for good. Lynn has completely changed how she eats forever. I want to get there too but have not found the "thing" that makes me keep my promise to myself. I have tried it all! I know WW is the best structure for me. You would think that:
* being well for my daughter would be enough
* not having to worry about sitting in a booth at a restaurant would be enough
* not seeing old friends for fear that the shock on their faces would make me too sad
* putting off living my fullest life because I don't have the energy
* worry about fitting into rides at Disneyland (I skipped the tea cups with my daughter)
* never having to hear a child on the street say, "you're really fat."
* having to sit thought a first aid class with my staff and hear all about how obesity kills and feeling so uncomfortable for them and for me
* wearing the same black skirt over and over would do it for me
* not wearing the fun clothes
* seeing the look of judgement on people's faces

Enought wallowing. But really, all of these, especially the most important first one, should do the trick. Why isn't it? More than anything, I want to be around for my daughter. I think ultimately that I am worried that after the meal replacement, Jenny Craig, no carb, sugar free diets, I don't trust myself to follow through. I want this to be the last time. How do a make my own dream come true?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Thank you Debby and Lynn

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the insight from someone who has been there. Debby many inspirational words that I will put into action. Thank you to Lynn who has inspired this blog and my start. I am really getting close!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Not So Great Eight...

I am still not there to sustain any motivation. It is crazy! I am a smart person. I have a great career. I have every aspect of my life going well. I don't want to start and then quit again. I can't do it to myself not to follow through with this weightloss issue. I feel like I am in a sea of behaviors that I am unwilling to fix for some reason. Here are eight patterns that I need to fix:
* an all or nothing attitude
* sugar addiction
* not enough sleep because I refuse to go to bed at a reasonable time
* refusal to be deprived
* allowing trigger foods in the house
* procrastination
* lack of exercise
* unable to stick to plan
Where do I start? Do I take one thing at a time or do I go full force. Advice??! I have to get this handled!