Still On Track!

Here is a quick update...I am still doing fine. This is day three of no sugar and I am okay. I am really stressed about work and I am excited that I am not making an excuse to throw out what is most important to me. I am going to weigh on Tuesdays and post the weight regularly. So far, I am losing. I am eating enough fruit to help me not feel too deprived (we all know what happens if I go down that road!!). I may let myself have a bit of diet coke or a sugar free mocha every now and then. Still have the headache, but that is more of a stress problem. This weekend, I am going to get on my elliptical and crank the itunes. I look forward to leaving that stress on the elliptical, instead of on my thighs. That is how I have to look at this. I am not going to let it take over. Where do you leave your stress?

Must Be Working

I am doing well on my three guidelines. I have been off of refined sugar for two days. I am also back off of Diet Coke and Starbucks. The intense caffeine headache proves that my body just can't deal with this stuff. I forget how terrible I feel for about two weeks getting off of the toxic junk that ruled my world. I feel down, anxious and restless. Exactly like a junkie off the junk! Must be working!

Getting it Together!

I had a really good eating day today. It is my first day of sugar free eating after my sugarific Valentine's day. I ate a box of See's candy in two days! Houston, we have a problem!!!!!!!!!! I ate well and did not feel deprived today. I really want to get my act together and today is the first step. As always, sleep is a key factor. I am putting together some rules for myself. Maybe the term "rules" is not good. Guidelines? Part of why I am staying up too late is if I sit down after dinner and don't do the dishes, I will procrastinate until it is very late because I get involved with other projects. Also, I wake up after 11:00. It is a peak time for me creatively. So, here are this week's health guidelines"
*Clean kitchen right after dinner
*Take a Melatonin tablet after dinner
*Turn off computer by 8:00

I purposely did not put food restrictions on my weekly guidelines. I am looking at behavior guidelines that will facilitate my energy for exercise etc.

My other goal is to lose enough weight in 13 months to be able to fly on a airplane without having a anxiety attack. I have zero fear of flying. I have traveled extensively and worked in 30 states. I have been to the Dallas Fort Worth Airport 30 times! No, my anxiety is all about needing the seat belt extender. One time, I lied and said that I was pregnant. The last trip, I just asked for one. It was humiliating!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I am going on a fun trip with the family and I will not need a seat belt extender! I think that is a do able goal!

It's Official!

I have gained all of the weight I have lost. I am so ticked at myself. I never usually get after myself when I gain, but now I am so irritated that I had to go all or nothing again. I went out of my way to over eat. I have to put away this childish notion that this actually works well for me. It may have served me in the past, but I have to put this concept away. How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong?

Almost...

I had a great plan today! I had:
organic fruit and nuts for breakfast
veggie spinach salad with a great
sugar free dressing and smoothie (w/ super greens and protein powder) for lunch,
hummus and carrots for snack
skinless chicken breast w/ veggies for dinner
fruit juice for snack
I also ate two clif nectar bars as snack. I was okay with that thinking that I was having a transition day. I enjoyed my food! I was having a good eating day.

Then...I realized that I had part of a chocolate bar in my purse. I got my shoes on and went to the garage to dig out the bar. I ate that, then, ate chips and salsa, then two rounds of cereal with HANDFULS of brown sugar. Had I abstained from the chocolate, I would have been just fine today. One day into avoiding sugar.

On the plus side, I am happy with my spinach salad. I am all ready to add chicken to it tomorrow. I am loving my homemade dressing. My mornings are going well. the sugar just haunts me. I got so excited about the rouge chocolate, that I forgot about my exercise plan. I don't have any more chocolate in the house and I need to get rid of that brown sugar. I am easing back into this. I am happy with the first half of the day!

All or Nothing

I have gained most of my weight back with my all or nothing way of being. I am eating sugar like it is the last granule I will ever consume. It is just crazy! I just have a block with this whole deal. Thank you to Pubsgal and Miz Fit who are not ready to give up on me. I am not going to give up. I am just in a quandary...I know that I can't tolerate sugar for two important reasons:
1. It is deadly for my PCOS and shuts down my endocrine system
2. I have a serious addiction to sugar and can't control myself, not unlike an alcoholic.

So, my question is...do I start the no sugar at all way of eating again, or do I use it in moderation? I don't seem to be able to use it in moderation. If I feel deprived, then it spirals down to deprivation prevention.

In this time of upheaval, I have been consulting my recipe books, journaling, making a work book and stocking up on really delicious, healthy food. My new approach is to eat very delicious food that is exceptionally healthy. Eating healthy. Nothing more, except exercise. Still working it all out.

Still Not a Clue!

Noting new to report. I am still unsettled and uncentered. I am doing nothing to move forward. I can't seem to get out of my own vicious circle. More when I get it together!!!

A Year From Now

I did not made a New Year's resolution because they never stick for me. Birthday to birthday goals seem more interesting. My question is what kind of person do I want to be a year from now? Do I want to be a fit person? Do I want to be an organized person? This seemingly never ending sugar binge has me questioning my resolve. Should I totally eliminate sugar, and have monthly treats, yearly treats or no treats at all? Should I just go back on Weight Watchers and eliminate sugar as much as possible, eating only quality foods? I really am stuck. When I am so restricted, I totally flip out and start a rebellion. The problem is that I can't handle sugar, just like any addict. What to do...Yesterday was my birthday and my next year's gift to myself will be a healthier me who is fit for life. The blog says it is a journey. I wonder what is next on the path?! What do you think?

I'm Free...Free Fallin!

Still nothing good to report. Still eating sugar and still eating way too much of it. It is like I will never eat sugar again. I think that by the time I went off of my no sugar way of life, I was eating so much fruit and agave that it just did not matter. Going back to no sugar with the bars and agave syrup ice cream is not the answer. The calories are basically the same and it is just natural sugar. I need a detox plan. I have downloaded my ebooks and made a handbook for myself and am getting back to basics. I have a birthday on Sunday and a long girl's weekend over MLK weekend. I don't want to set myself up for failure until all of that is over. I know what you are thinking...make that your birthday gift to yourself! Be sugar free. I thought of that. I just don't think I am there. I have a lot to sort out. My body certainly feels much stiffer than usual. I am just a mess. I will figure it out, though. Thanks for all of your wise words. I am listening to everything you write!

Seriously...?

I am still flittering around, eating sugar and finding excuses to not get a plan. Tonight, I at a pint of ice cream but that was not enough sugar for me. I had no other sugar in the house, so I got creative! I remembered that a friend had given my daughter a pumpkin filled with Halloween candy and it was rattling around in the back of my car in a tote bag. I got up from my cozy home and went to the garage to find this pumpkin, not even knowing what I would find. I brought it in and cracked it open. I don't really even like these candies, other than the chocolate. I ate several Starbursts and went nuts from there. If I ever start to wonder if I have a sugar addiction problem, I hope one of you will remind me about this ridiculous post.

If You Fail to Plan, Ya Plan to Fail!

I thought I was over the sugar, but apparently not! It is all about organization. I do not have adequate alternative food in the house, I still have stuff to organize to clear my brain, and I still am on my forbidden tour of foods! I am not there yet. Will be. For sure.

Happy New Year!