Saturday, August 16, 2008

Kissing Up

We all know that in Junior High School, girls usually go through a friendship betrayal that is so hurtful that you can still feel it today. Sugar is that junior high school friend. This so called friend, did the equivalent of stealing my boyfriend! Sugar stole my baby (to be). Sugar destroyed my reproductive health. I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and never was able to get pregnant. Had I gotten off of sugar and had I lost the 171lbs, I would have had a much better shot at having a baby. Sugar took my calm, confidence and self respect. Yet, I kept the friendship going because it filled a need. Well, yesterday, my former friend was trying to kiss up.

Sugar wanted to reach out. I starting to bargain. I began to think we might be friends, just a little. Maybe, I can have a little honey. Maybe, I will have a mocha (sugar free). Maybe,I will have a sugar free cookie. One of my goals in this entire journey was to eat whole, unprocessed foods. I don't want any sugar alcohol in my body. I had overcome that need to replace my favorites with sugar free impostors. Yesterday, I was about ready to spend a fortune of chemicals to get that much closer to my bud, sugar. Eventually, I would want to slip in a bit of sugar, 'cause I can handle it. Ah, no, I can't handle sugar just like an alcoholic can't handle a drink.

You know, I am older and wiser now. The relational aggression just does not fly with me anymore and that includes my old friend, sugar. What I know for sure, is that I am a very loyal friend. This time, I will be loyal to myself. I will go back to my feeling of being unstoppable and kick sugar to the curb.

1 comment:

carla said...


all of it.

sugar is my crack as well.