Accountibility

Day 60 of the no sugar way of life came on September 28th. I am averaging 2 lbs a week (for around 25lbs). I have two lame scales that I will be returning. I stepped on the scale today and it read four different weights in four tries. I started this blog so that I could be accountable to myself and connect with fellow bloggers also on this road. I want to take a moment to thank you for your posts. I so appreciate the ones that do not let me off the hook! I love the connections and the warm words. You are incredibly inspiring to me. Thank you.

Let's see how September stacked up with my goals:

My goals for September were:
* I will lose 8 lbs
THIS GOAL WAS COMPLETED EVEN THOUGH HAD THAT GAIN
* I will go to bed no later than 11:15
NOPE-NOT EVEN CLOSE. I AM AVERAGING 12:45 BED TIME. RIDICULOUS! THIS IS HARDER THAT SUGAR ADDICTION?
* I will monitor my fruit intake so I do not start to crave fruit.
I AM MONITORING THIS AND I AM DOING BETTER, BUT I AM NOT OUT OF THE WOODS!
* I will get on the elliptical at least once a week. (I know that seems ridiculously easy, but I want to meet these goals and build on them.)
PLEASE, I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT IT!

Considering that I reached only 25% of my goals, what goals do you think I should set for myself? Thoughts?

Doing the Limbo

I feel like I am in limboland. I am still off of sugar, but I am not being careful with the rest of my diet, like I ate way too much pizza for dinner tonight. What is up with that? I guess in a twisted way, I feel like I am entitled to eat other non sugar foods late at night, when I am not hungry, and to stuff my emotion, because I deserve it. Why do I deserve it? Well, because I am giving up so much. I have not eaten a morsel of chocolate for almost 60 days. That should count for something! I should be able to coast to my ultimate weightloss goal. I think I am in the bargaining stage. I am giving up _____ so I should only have to do ______. The prob is that it is just not working for me. I gained last week, I stayed the same this week and I am still over doing my fruit Larabars. I seemed to be eating three a day now. I am not very well planned with my food. I am not getting enough sleep so that I can plan out my stuff. If I get more than 5 hours of sleep a night, I would have the energy to get centered with food and home. I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED EARLY! What is my problem? I am tired. I should just go the hell to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I went to bed, I would fall asleep instantly. I see the late night as yet another "reward," if you will, for what I am giving up. I need to get a clue. HELP my wise bloggers!

Diet Coke

I have been off of Diet Coke for several months now until today. I went to see the movie, The Women, and I forgot my contraband fruit juice. I decided to just have a Diet Coke. It was better than a sugary drink (except for the horrific chemicals). In the past, I would have taken having the Diet Coke and an excuse to go "all or nothing" on myself. Having it was such a non issue. It was a watered down version of Diet Coke and it did not open the flood gates of unhealthy eating. I won't have another one for a long time. I did not die because I had one. It is okay. I know it sounds ridiculous to go on about a can of diet soda. I am happy that I am starting to manage my all or nothing former way of being with food.

I had written in a post about my over doing of fruit and that appears to be over too. I think it did relate to PMS. Since I had not had a period for so long, I did not remember how much my cravings went bonkers.

My terrible scale is about ready to hit the trash. If I step on the scale with one foot, it is 282, if I step with the other foot, the scale says 287. Weird. I have no idea which one is correct. This week, I am going to either stop weighing except at a friend's house once a week, or just deal with my scale and keep watching the trend of weight loss forgetting about an actual number. What do you think?

Virtual Me

Fat Girl's Weight Loss Blog has "My Virtual Model" and I did two versions of myself. It kind of looks like me. One at 282 -now and 129 which is what I think will be my goal weight. Do you keep your eye on the prize at the end, or do you not allow yourself to go beyond the next loss? What is the most productive and successful way to look at your progress? When I lost 70lbs with my insane meal replacement shake fiasco, I panicked when I got to the halfway point and gained it all back. So far, I am on track. If you have quite a bit to lose like me, how do you stay on track?

Body Reboot

My body is out of whack! I had not had a period for over two years because of the huge quantities of sugar I was ingesting, and the fact that I have PCOS. I got my period a few weeks ago for the first time in two years and it came back today! That is nutty. My body is trying to get back to homeostasis. I think that is why I have been craving so much fruit sugar. My hormones are in shock and awe that they are not under sugar siege. I think my 1lb gain will be taken care of when my body chills. Maybe I won't need to freak about my fruit overload. Do you ever feel like your body needs to reboot?

.

Up a Pound and Happy!

That might sound odd, but I am actually happy that I am up a pound on my weigh in day. It is a signal that I have been a little too reckless with my portions, Starbucks Vivanno's, and Larabars. The last two items are sugar free but sweetened by natural fruit. Since I have given up sugar, I have not limited whatever non sugar food (like pizza) I am eating. Lately, I am eating later in the evening, also. My body had been losing 2lbs a week without much effort besides not eating refined sugar. I could eat pizza, Larabars and Vivannos because I was still losing. My body is at a plateau. I can either keep eating this way and maybe lose occasionally, or I have to kick it up a notch. The jig is up, people! I feel like I am kind of addicted to the Larabars. I am having two a day as a sweet hit after meals. Vivanno's are $4.25 (with the green tea powder). My smoothy bill for the month would be 127.50. That is obsurd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually think I am going to need to get off of Larabars and Vivanno's. Isn't strange to have an addiction to fruit? I am going to work out this weekend, limit my Vivanno's and Larabars this week and slowly remove them from my diet unless I can miraclously have them like a normal person. I have a food plan for the week, so that helps. My meals have been pretty healthy. I am hoping my efforts will show on my scale next Tuesday. I will let you know! Onward!

Resources

On Monday, it will 50 days since I have not had processed sugar. I have lost 22 lbs and feel better. It is easier, but not totally easy. Just when I think I have this down, I get antsy. I do too much fruit. I worry that I will go back to sugar and have to start all over again!

I have to work on my fruit intake. I wrote to my two sugar free experts, David Vanadia http://www.vanadia.com/stopbeingsweet/about/ and Karly Randolph Pitman http://www.firstourselves.com/ about my current fruit situation. They both said to chill. I am not going hog wild on processed sugars. I am simply trying to find my new balance. They said that I am in a new stage of managing my carbs. David suggested that I start baking natural sugar free food. I found a great website for that uses agave nectar in place of sugar.

http://alteredplates.blogspot.com/

Agave Nectar: A natural liquid sweetener extracted (without chemicals) from the Agave plant. Comprised largely of fructose, agave nectar does not spike your blood sugar levels and is absorbed gradually by your system. Its delicious taste and reduced calories/carbohydrates make it an ideal sweetener for individuals concerned with limiting sugar intake.

I made some oatmeal cookies with agave and my daughter loved them. I did not like them at all. Once you have great oatmeal cookies, you can't go back!I will keep at it! Agave is excellent, though. I can put a touch in my iced tea and that help me through a sweet need moment. I will experiment with different recipes until I get many that will help me not feel deprived.

As far as my September goals, I have not exercised yet, I have not cut back on fruit yet, not in bed by 11:15, but I am still on course. I will think about putting exercise in soon. I am still really tired from not enough sleep and the start of a new school year. I know, if I exercise, I won't be as tired. I will get there. Who are your resources that help you though this journey?

Slippery Slope

I was hoping that it would not happen, but it is getting clearer that I am using fruit like my sugar drug. When I was using sugar, I had to have something sweet after every meal (except breakfast) and also for snacks. If I did not have that fix, I would get panicky. Well, I can't seem to handle my fruit right now. Here is what is happening:

1. I am having a Starbucks Vivanno everyday (orange, banana, mango smoothy with protein powder, green tea boost and milk). I thought it was a dream come true, no processed sugar, low cal-250 and made with great ingredients. Now I can't focus unless I know when I am going to have this.

2. I am abusing Larabars and Cliff Nectar bars. These are nut and date, sugar free bars that are very tasty. They are healthy, but pack a sugar fix after lunch and dinner. I went from having one or two a week, to two or three a day. The pecan pie Larabar tastes like oatmeal cookie dough. It is divine! Check out their website. These bars are actually really healthy, but are they good for me?

3. I had a sugar free decaf frosty. I broke my coffee rule! I know, it was decaf and it tasted like antifreeze, but I still ingested chemicals that I think are horrible for my body. I did throw over half of it away.

Here is the catch, I am still losing 2lbs a week. I am still able to abuse fruit and lose, which has allowed me to get to this state. Then, I get ticked. I have given up so many foods that I like and now, I can't even have fruit!?!?!? What do you guys think? Should I just eat the bars and smoothies every now and then, or quit them too like I did processed sugar? Should I eat these things until the weight loss evens out? Help!!!

PF CHANGE

I love PF Chang's Chinese food restaurant. I have not been there is a few months and so today I thought I would try it out while maintaining my sugar free lifestyle. It took me 20 minutes to try to find something I could order. Before, I had the orange peel shrimp, dessert, lettuce wraps, maybe honey glazed chicken...etc. I thought lettuce wraps might be safe. Nope-tons of sugar. Kung Po chicken? Nope. Nada. There was absolutely nothing I could eat except for a chicken chopped salad (I was not in a fish mood). Having a chicken salad at PF Chang's is not my idea of an exciting meal. I ordered it with my sugarless ice tea, brown rice and vegetarian egg roll without the yummy, sugary sauce. The chicken was like sandpaper, it was so dry. Their honey chicken was sooooooooooo juicy!! When the meal was over and my family had their delicious entrees, I actually felt satisfied that I keep my promise to myself. It felt better than any orange peeled shrimp ever tasted. What favorite food have you given up lately to support your health goal?

The Night Owl

I don't know what my "deal" is, but I am not going to bed at a reasonable time. I never have! I just love, love, LOVE staying up late. I get a burst of energy and get some things done but I also just WASTE unbelievable time on the computer or t.v. Then, I don't get centered in my life because I am too tired to take care of things that need attention like the huge pile of laundry that I have left. I have someone come to clean once a week and my room has been such a disaster that I have told her to skip it (you would think that if I had someone in to clean, I would be centered). If I am not centered, I do not cook, I choose to eat out or pick up food that is not as healthy. I have wasted a lot of food in my fridge that way. Also, I am too tired to get on the dusty elliptical. So, I have tackled my most difficult challenge-sugar, but getting enough sleep is right up there. Maybe it is my most difficult challenge. So, here is my new deal...today, I am going to get centered for the week. I will go to bed no later than 11:30 and work out just two days this week. What are you going to do to get centered for this week?

I Don't Know What is Different...

I was doing my usual meet and greet in the morning at my school today, and a parent walked up to me and gave me a hug. She said, "I don't know what is different about you, but you look fantastic." Now, that is the mojo I was talking about yesterday. I really don't look fantastic, but I certainly look better because I am out of my sugar fog. I have more confidence and more fun. I am certainly less touchy. I am acting more intentional and not reacting. I had a great start of the school year. It did not go off without "challenges." I had one irrate (former)parent verbally abuse me. Principals get that often, but I have not had to deal with this much at my school. Last year, that would have sent me sprinting into my office to find my stash of chocolate to soothe my rattled heart. Last year, and all the years previous, I stocked up on emergency treats right before school started. If I was out of candy, I would roam and ask teachers if they had any chocolate. Someone usually did and that gave me a sense of calm to move through the enormous stress that I feel as a principal.

This year, I just let the terrible comments bounce right off of me and into the gutter where they belong. I am not taking that toxic junk into my body. As for the stress eating, I seem to have some grace. I am able to chill and not over do it. I have to be careful with fruit and make sure that does not turn into a sugar fix. So far, so good! Thanks for your comments! I appreciate you checking in!!
J

Getting My Mojo Back

When you weigh as much as I do, it is easy to lose your mojo. Little by little, you stop doing the extra things that make you feel good about yourself. There are few clothing options. I am not a big fan of Lane Bryant. The clothes feel cheap to me, even though they can be really expensive. I think they also cater to teens who are overweight. I am not a fan of the empire waist with my current tummy. Actually, I don't think that looks good on anyone. I certainly would hate to be a celebrity and have photogs try to guess if you are pregnant or not in a shirt that looks like a maternity dress. I digress...So, since I have been feeling better about the fact that I am actually going to do this thing, I notice that I am accessorizing, getting manicures, pedicures and spending a fortune on clothes that I hope will not fit me in a few months. J Jill has lovely clothes and they have amazing sales. I appreciate their size 4x. My other fav Nordstrom does not carry 4x and I am not quite in 3x for everything yet. I am faking it until I make it. In other words, I am trying to feel great about my appearance even though I have well over 100lbs to lose. What do you do to get your mojo back?

P.S. Two of my teachers have commented about how good I am looking these days. Nice to hear.
P.S.S. I weighed in and I am hovering around 20lbs lost.